Tsukuri

I don't consider myself a great husband. Let me go ahead and say that first. Utterly devoted and loving? Yes, absolutely, but I feel I have a lot of room for improvement, as I do in many areas. So this post is not meant in any way as a peal of my own trumpet. I hope this isn't too much of a ramble, and that it makes some sort of sense. It's just an attempt to A) explain what's been tumbling through my head, and B) get back into the habit of blogging!

My wife and I were having a discussion this morning about our one-year-old's sleeping habits, and what we're going to do about them. At some point, my much better half said "We're just going to have to (whatever was said), and you're going to have to deal with it." Now, I should also point out that her tone and attitude were NOT what they may sound like from what I just typed. My wife is as sweet and un-bossy as can be. But as I considered her words (knowing she didn't mean them that way), I thought of how careful we should be in our communication. Sometimes we get used to certain tones-of-voice, knowing that the people we're around most "get" us, and understand what we mean and what we don't mean. Since we're used to it, it can carry over into our conversations in the workplace, or among strangers. I think it's important to be aware of how things might come across to others, who might not know our natures or idiosyncrasies.

So I carefully and good-naturedly brought it up: "Maybe when we're discussing things like this, we can approach it more from a 'team' mindset rather than one of us laying down the law and expecting the other to fall in line..."

Now, I'm not one to say Aikido fills and informs every part of my life, but I can't deny that the things we practice and think about have an influence over other, unrelated areas. When my sweetheart was telling me later "I appreciate how diplomatic you are when we have a disagreement, instead of just striking back", I thought "Is that indicative of an aiki-tude?" I'm a peaceable guy by nature anyway... but I wondered if things like this are an example of "Verbal Aikido", specifically, the "fitting" aspect (tsukuri). My response drew attention to the "togetherness" of our relationship rather than focusing on the differences (force-meets-force) of our opinions/methods.

My point is only that I should try to consider the "fitting" aspects of my interactions with others as much as I can. Both in how I express myself (in the case of my wife's statement) and in how I respond to the way others express themselves. I'm not speaking of political correctness (at all), but a mindset analogous to the tactile sensitivity we strive for with our training partners and attackers in Aikido.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

~ The Apostle Paul, to the Christians in Rome

Romans 12:18